To Be a ‘Switch,’ During Sex, Is to… You Should Know These Things About BDSM

The terms “dominant” and “submissive” come to mind when discussing BDSM, but in reality, there is a third category in between those two: “switch.” This person can be comfortable in both submissive and dominant roles, says Megan Harrison, a licenced marriage and family therapist. Truth be told, most people aren’t subs or domins. Many wonder if they could be switches. Sub and dom personality traits are not required to be equally split on switches.”

Being a switch is a legitimate BDSM expression, just like being dominant or submissive. Is being a light switch in bed something you’d be interested in? Find out if you’re a good candidate for the term, get some advice for new users, and find out how to approach your partner about switching.

Do you know how to tell if you are a switch?

Somebody who can be both dominant and submissive at any given time is known as a switcher. If you’re a switch, it doesn’t mean you’re equally comfortable being dominant or submissive. It’s possible you’ll spend the majority of your sex life as something in between. Simply put, it means that you prefer to play a dominant role at times and a submissive one at others.

“Terminology serves to give us a language in which we can identify and name our experiences and communicate them to our partner,” says sex therapist and sexologist, explains. It’s common to relegate [being a switch] to BDSM, but most of us are at ease in positions of dominance and submission. In the long term, this may change with the same partner or with other partners.” A switch is nothing more than a designation that can be used or ignored.

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Basically, being an on/off switch just means that your desires in bed can switch at any time. To be fair, your feelings and opinions change with most things, so why shouldn’t this be the case during sex?

For men, the concept of switching can be more difficult to understand than for women, according to an intimacy and sex worker. The reason for this is that we socialise men in such a way that emphasises the importance of strength, authority, and dominance. Men often hesitate to be vulnerable because they are afraid that their masculinity will be questioned in a society that still celebrates and rewards it.

Switches are no different from any other type of label in that they exist on a spectrum.

Even if you prefer to have control over your sexual partner most of the time, there will come a time when you’ll feel the need to be dominated by them. Even if you don’t frequently switch between them, it doesn’t mean you don’t get pleasure from both. The desires and patterns of each switch in bed are unique.

What’s the best way to approach my partner about making the switch?

Ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings are essential in any healthy and communicative relationship. It’s nerve-wracking to bring up sexual desires in a new relationship. Respectful partners, on the other hand, will listen attentively without making assumptions about what the other person is saying.

Don’t treat your desire like a cancer diagnosis, and you’ll be fine. Introduce your fantasies as calmly and confidently as you can without hemming or hawing or apologising for what you’re about to reveal (as though it were bad news). You should reaffirm your attraction to your partner and how excited you get when thinking about experimenting with a different relationship dynamic.

I’m just learning how to use the switch. What am I supposed to do now?

You’ve discussed the possibility of being a switch with your partner. That’s fantastic news! Hopefully, after you’ve given them a chance to reflect on what you’ve said, they’ll be open to incorporating it into your sex life.

To be a switch doesn’t necessitate learning about bondage or impact play, which are also aspects of BDSM. It’s common knowledge that switching takes place in the kinky sex context, but Shakti argues that you don’t need whips and chains to explore things from another perspective. If you acknowledge the dynamics and play with the differences in a safe, controlled environment, rather than ignoring or trying to make them go away, you can help bring pleasure as well as comfort and relief.

Try dirty talk first, without engaging in any physical contact. Make it clear to your partner what you want to happen to them or what you want to happen to them. Are you ready to make the physical switch? A simple example is who’s in charge during sex or going a step further with a light spanking session. Learning what’s best for you and your partner is the goal.

“Begin with a small goal. No matter how ambitious your long-term goal is, Shakti advises starting small and building up your repertoire of dirty talk and sex moves over time.

As you become more familiar with your feelings as a switch, you may want to try some harder BDSM. Go for it if your companion is willing. You may, however, not. Either way, it’s perfectly normal. Trying new things is a great way to find out what you like and don’t like as you learn more about your own sexual desires. To put it another way, just because you’re a switch doesn’t obligate you to do anything you don’t want to. Being a switch is something you decide for yourself, and no one else.

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