Newbie-Friendly BDSM Concepts

So you believe that kink and BDSM have a sexual effect on you. You’ve given it some serious consideration, and perhaps you’ve even taken some of the steps experts recommend you take before beginning your BDSM journey. The time has come for you to start planning your first “session,” but… You’re at a loss as to where to begin. When you’re a newbie, you may have fantasies that are more on the varsity than JV level, in which case you may want to start out slowly.

To begin with, I’d like to reassure you before we begin our activities. As far as I’m aware, kink and BDSM have a bad reputation due to the media portraying them as some sort of deviant activity practised only by the mentally disturbed. People from all walks of life engage in BDSM and kink, and they have a significant impact on the fantasies of many women.

In fact, the statistics show how widespread BDSM really is. According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Health and Medicine, 46.8% of the Belgian population sample had engaged in BDSM-related behaviour. In the survey, 26% said they were curious about BDSM, and 7.6% said they were “BDSM practitioners.”

Relax and let the numbers reassure you: there is nothing wrong with you if you enjoy kinky sex play. You’re into kinky sex play, that’s all it means.

Author of The Sex and Pleasure Book: The Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone and sexologist on staff at Good Vibrations Bustle spoke with Carol Queen, PhD, who says that before participating in any BDSM play, you should have some open and honest conversations with your partner. Queen says to start with an area of interest because the world of BDSM is vast. And, according to Queen, “if one person is thinking cushy, bondage gear, and dripping candle wax and a blindfold, [you] may talk past each other. She recommends starting the conversation earlier rather than waiting until you’re under pressure to do so.

To avoid awkwardness, try saying something like ‘Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something a little naughty,'” she explains. Do you think you could join me for dinner and have this discussion with me? or ‘Would you prefer a drink of wine?'” According to what the Queen has to say. Drinking too much wine during these discussions is a bad idea because you’ll lose track of what you were talking about.

Let’s get right into it now that’s out of the way, shall we? For those of you who are completely new to the game, I have an army of kinky friends (ok, maybe not an army, but a good number) who are happy to share their knowledge on fun and safe kink and BDSM activities. I decided to pay particular attention to the ideas put forth by kink scene veterans Miette Rouge, 43, and Jenna, 26, who are both active in their respective subcultures.

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